true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
