did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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