I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
