I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
