My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
