I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
