yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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