Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
