remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
