either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
