If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
