I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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