Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
