I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
