Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
