Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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