Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
