my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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