Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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