life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
