I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
