okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
