What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she woke up with a sticky ear
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
