just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
