Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
