I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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