This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you had me at cake vodka
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
