omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
