i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
