dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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