DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
