I hate your face
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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