I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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