I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
