I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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