Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
