Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
