She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
