Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
