Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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