what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
