i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
