I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
