Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
