I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
