Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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