i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
