My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
