I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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