Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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