I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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