Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
