She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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