wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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