I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
