I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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