Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
