Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
