thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
